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Suck It Up, 9/11 Wasn't That Bad!
In a special guest opinion we will welcome Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to give a special commentary on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Mr. President!
Ah! Praised Be Allah as I address you, the Great Satan of the West. On this historic day, we must be reminded that 9/11 wasn’t seriously, all that bad. So, a few thousand people died, but you must learn to be a bit more “progressive” in your thinking. 9/11 is a chance to point out how horrible America is and, to take a real lesson from 9/11, hijack this opportunity to push an agenda.
9 years ago, America learned that when the U.S. was attacked, people would dance in the streets and hand out candy to children. But now, in this progressive world, do not worry! Most second graders don’t even know about 9/11! Smile, throw a party!
In my country we have learned to forget the Holocaust, soon you too can have the joy of forgetting an international tragedy! Remember, 9/11 is a time for America to feel horrible liberal guilt about how awful of a country you are! In Iran, everyday is 9/11! You are Great White Satan! Your armies have not done anything of note, not liberated countries, assured democracy across Europe, or saved hundreds of thousands of lives!
America, you sit alone isolated, the lone standard bearer of forgotten ideals jotted down 200 years ago by gentlemen in Philadelphia who paused just long enough in between beating up a homosexual (hurray! Allah Praises You!) and murdering Native Americans!
In Iran we have peaceful tolerant ideals that women should occasionally be stoned by angry repressed men and that Israel should more or less die in a nuclear fire. Let these be lessons to you! America, with your naive ideas! Your stupid liberty and freedom! We join with all of Europe as we sneer at you!
On 9/11 all of world encourages America to go to nearest Code Pink gathering. Stand in circle (not too close, like Iranians, Code Pink looks down on showers) and repeat “This is all our fault, this is all our fault.” This way the next time Muslim world decides to spit in face of America, you can always be assured- America spit first.
